Coral: a Delirium one shot
by sjung88
Summary: just a small blurb in Coral's POV about her life before and during Requiem - I don't own these characters, all belong to Lauren Oliver!


CORAL

People look at me and wonder how I possibly ended up in the Wilds. They say I look too young, too sweet and too good natured and too small. I've heard their whispers and speculations. _She doesn't have the guts for it. _

They're wrong.

I don't have an amazing story like Lena, who crossed over in a blaze of lights and fire because of Alex. I'm not like Raven, either, who saved a baby girl and ran away with her. It was all because of my grandfather. He tainted our family. As a priest of one of the old religions, he refused to convert to the New Order and was promptly killed. We were tracked, of course, and when we all found out my aunt was a sympathizer, _poof, _it was all over for us. We had to leave, so we did. I was young and didn't understand much. A simple quick and easy crossing with whatever we could bring. We had been moving around for a few years, just a small group of us. We suffered hardships and deaths and small triumphs. The Wilds were not a sheltered kind of lifestyle. But we managed. And then out of nowhere, while we were sheltering in a barn one evening, it was all blown to bits. Boom. Gone. All gone in a storm of fire and screams. Nan was gone. We were picked off, like vermin being exterminated. Because of the DFA and Scavengers. That's when Raven's group found us, all burned and dead. But not me. I made it.

Just me.

It was so daunting, waking up alone to a group of strangers in the middle of a full out war and revolution. I had to stay strong and keep a brave face. At first I honestly didn't know how I was going to go on, how I was going to function and make it. It was like a whole was blown straight through my chest and I was walking around with a gaping wound. Everyone was kind to me, for the most part. Especially Alex. He was handsome. Very much so. But he had a tortured past and I could tell, because we never talked about the Before, at least not his. It was always him asking _me _questions about my past, what it was like, just things to talk about lightly. We never dove into anything too serious. Because of him, I kept my sanity. As the days passed it was easier to come to terms with what happened. Being alone without my family and friends was becoming slightly easier. Slightly.

Now and then I would watch the way everyone interacted with each other and a pang of longing and loneliness would shoot right through me. I felt like a stranger, and I missed my family so much it was almost unbearable. Raven and Tack were too busy running everything. People took one glance at me and thought I needed to be taken care of and watched over. Everyone else was busy following orders and making plans. Except Alex, who somehow found the time for me.

Honestly, any girl who wakes up to a handsome boy who takes care of her and listens should have fallen head over heels. Right? I had never experienced _amor deliria nervosa _before, not truly. I mean, I loved my friends and family with all my heart. But something about Alex made me hold back. He was a friend; a true good one, someone kind who listened and cared. I liked and appreciated him and him for me. Yet that's where it stopped. There was nothing more, and I don't know why. We connected; yet I really started to notice what was wrong whenever Lena Haloway was around. I never truly understood her dislike for me until I saw the way the two of them looked at each other, the way they acted, and the way Alex would clam up whenever she was around Julian. I wasn't stupid. I understood, and strangely I felt sad for the two of them.

I could take Lena's unkindness. I knew where it stemmed from and I just stayed away from her. But one night, I wanted to know. I wanted to know their story.

Alex and I were sitting together on two old backpacks. Everyone else was bustling around, preparing food or talking or getting whatever needed to be done _done. _I noticed Alex watching Lena and Julian again. His eyes were dark and troubled, and I was feeling brave.

So I said, "So what's up with you and her?" Before this, I didn't know how Lena came to be here. I thought maybe she had always been here and was just involved with Julian.

Alex's face scrunched up a little and he clenched his jaw, yet his voice was neutral. "Nothing," he said. "At least not anymore." He spat and covered it up with dirt.

So they did have a past. I wasn't going to give up so easily. "What do you mean not anymore?" I shuffled a little closer to him and lowered my voice. Maybe a friendlier approach would be easier. I tried to tease him slightly. "Come on, I've literally told you every little thing about me. I've seen the way you look at her."

When he turned to look at me, there was such an incredible amount of pain in his eyes; I was taken aback. I didn't expect him to answer honestly, but he did. His voice was low and hard as he said, "I'm the reason why she crossed. We met during her first evaluation. Not officially, though. It was afterwards when I first spoke to her with her friend." He looked away and shook his head, closing his eyes slightly. "I saved her, from a party busted by the regulators. Saved her from a bunch of dogs. Patched her leg right up in a shed. And I kissed her."

I didn't say anything. I realized I was clenching my hands hard. For some reason, my heart hurt a little bit, for the first time in a while other than being sad for my family. Alex was silent for a few more moments, and he turned to look at me again. He spoke louder and harder this time with anger laced in his voice.

"Before her evaluation we tried to cross. I didn't make it. I was shoved into the Crypts and she got away to start a new life. She thought I was dead. And now I'm here and she's here. End of story." He kicked the ground again.

I was unsure of what to say, yet for some reason I ended up babbling out, "You still love her. It's so obvious, Alex. You still love her." I felt stupid, young and like I had pried too much.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he turned to look at Lena again and I did too. She was standing alone and her head swivelled around to meet our gazes. Instantly she recoiled and turned away, and I did too, feeling hot and embarrassed. Alex ultimately looked away, growing silent again.

That was the last time we spoke about her. And that was that.

The Wilds are a hard, harsh place. I wasn't born into them like most of the people out here have been. But I have been shaped, changed, moulded by them. I have lost my family out here and found a new one. I have felt love, loss, hurt, anger, happiness. And betrayal. I have fought for our right to love and to be free. I've almost starved. I've seen people die. I've seen us triumph and win, when we tore down the walls to Portland and made our stand.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if I had stayed behind and grown up to be a Zombie, to be someone who goes through their day smiling and talking but not truly living or feeling. Would it be easier? Would it have been worth it?

I don't know. And really, I don't want to know. I'm not like Lena. I'm not like Raven. But I want to be. People may look at me and whisper and wonder, but they have to know; I may be small, but I am tough. I will fight. My friends and family did not die for nothing. We are not fighting for nothing.

We are Invalids, and we will not give up.


End file.
